I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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