I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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