whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
