3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
