My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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