yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
