Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Can i not drive my cunt home
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
