your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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