i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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