hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
