Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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