Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
