made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
