Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
