I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
