come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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