Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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