I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
