I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
