you traded sex for a burrito?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
