i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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