Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
