i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
