I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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