my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
