my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
