When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize