reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
