She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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