I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
