i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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