Me. At least after what I've been through.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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