Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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