I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
