The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
