the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
