I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry about my life...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
