One girl and one boy is just not enough.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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