I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
