Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
