worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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