i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
