She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
