I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
