well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
