i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
