I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
