I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
