How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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