Say something about gay babies.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
