im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
