was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Randomize
