I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
