My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
