I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
